I sit here at a popular coffee emporium in Atlanta and reflect on the past few days. I drove up with my wife to visit Chris Hull and Lorana Schwabe on Thursday. The 5 hour drive was smooth, with Brooke driving the first 3 hours from Brunswick to Macon where I took over to brave the insane traffic in the metro area. I’m always excited about the trip up here, as we always make a habit of stopping by Tokyo Alley, my favorite restaurant in Macon situated in a side street off Cherry. We got to Chris’ apartment with no drama on the road and had a chance to unwind before heading to dinner to meet Lorana, his newly-ringed fiance.
Within hours of getting to our destination, I found myself on a ministry related phone call that took me away from my dinner and my hosts for over an hour. The details of the call are not important. What is important is that the perception of the two folks involved is that something that I said, which I believe was grossly misunderstood or poorly communicated, caused one of the parties to question my salvation. This person has never met me, had only one perspective of the complex details of the situation, but still chose to blast me with the charge from the minute I said hello.
It is very possible that I did indeed make a huge ass out of myself. Now, I must confess to those that do not know me that I have a temper that can flare if I’m put on the defensive. It is something that I’m dealing with and something that I’m not proud of. On top of having a low tolerance for bullshit, I also lack tact, lack an understanding of the needs and feelings of others, and, most importantly, I lack an edit button. There tends to be no filter between my brain and my mouth. I pretty much say exactly what I’m thinking. If I pause for an uncomfortable amount of time, it’s obvious to those that know me that I’m trying to force myself into submission. It rarely works.
It was also pointed out to me that I do not possess Christian leadership skills. Knowing my flaws full well and not being in any form of denial about their existence and their need to be kept under control, I hope that others would recognize that I’m a child of God in process. I haven’t arrived at perfection and don’t see that I ever will this side of paradise. I have never claimed to be a great Christian leader. I have never been paid as a staff member of any church or ministry organization. I haven’t penned any books. My wit outweighs my wisdom. I have a limited vocabulary. I don’t like to read books that I can’t finish in one sitting. I don’t typically impress the socks off of the congregation with my oratory skills when I speak. Yet still, I have confidence of my salvation. I am saved by grace through faith, I am called by God to seek His will for my life and, like I’m sure a few of you can relate to, I sometimes pick stuff back up after I lay it down at the foot of the cross.
I don’t look for perfection in other Christians, so I’m not disappointed when they do something that upsets, frustrates or angers me. I battle my flesh and often fail but still He takes me in. This is who I am, but not who God intends for me to be. That’s why conversion is called a process, not a point. I’m sorry to those that I have upset with my outbursts in the past. I’m sorry if this blog pisses anybody off. I’m sorry that I’m arrogant enough to think that anyone other than my wife will read it and care.
If you’ve found this blog by accident, please understand that Christians are, unfortunately, still prone to dealing with life the same way that you are if you are not a follower of the historical Jesus known as the Christ. We crawl, we fall, we walk, we fall, we climb, we fall, etc. I have an understanding of my faith that will grow as I get older and wiser. I will make mistakes that will hopefully teach and guide me to not make the same mistakes again. I want the world to be a better place because I am in it, but I can’t expect myself or others to get it right 100% of the time.
I’m grateful that the bible is chock full of examples where God uses imperfect people to fulfill His perfect plan. I’m not the only imperfect Christian out there, am I?
Tonight, I jumped into the live chat at 